::a cLear young voicE::

http://trijots.blogspot.com/2006/04/introduction-to-three-deed-princess.html

http://trijots.blogspot.com/2006/03/weds-wisdom-i-learnt-something.html

oolldd story :

http://trijots.blogspot.com/2006/02/hotties-i-came-to-realisehmm.html

once upon a time when HE elated and excites me off my arse. still does. (:

http://trijots.blogspot.com/2006/01/garcia-mania.html

uh, oohkayyy. you asked for it :

http://trijots.blogspot.com/2006/01/aneeone-for-mrsf.html

this is just plain ridiculous.

i KNOW.

people have more tendency to view blogs from here then from trijots.

how lazy could us homo sapiens be?

*pause*

okay fine.

so i am one of them. AGAIN.

for fun sake and just to make sure my message gets across nicely, from there to here, i shall do what you-people-know-what-im-gonna-do in the next couple of posts.

pathetic huh?

i KNOW.

you think its stupid i think you better get out of my sight.

dont make me go down there and do my stuff.

peace.

great sense secured a place in my head when i felt a sudden urge to reread a clear young voice. the last post caught my head, urm wait - my heart.

last post - may 10th, 2006

that’s like, WOW. and i was very, VERY depressed then.

but now, life couldnt be better *smiles*

i didnt even realise the comments i received. all i ever think about was what i was going to post at trijots. would trijots suffice? that’s like a connecting thing between me and jojozZz. then i realised, it NOT actually. we came down much further than that, and im glad. this is where everything had started. blogging starts here. well, at least for me. realising that people do read blogs (well, mine exactly) made me think. thinking that what i wrote do make a huge impact on people was a nice thought. it gave me a sense of humility, which is awesome. it doesnt really matter if there’s no comments. how many people actually do leave one anyway? well, not me at least. only one out of ten to be fair. are comments important? yes. is it vital? no. at the end of the day, you get a feedback somehow, if not more. live feedbacks i’d like to call them, which are cool.

i guess this unrealised huge hiatus stops now, for good. until i have a good reason to take one, i dont think i’ll stop. just so you guys know, this hiatus was unintentional. loads of awesome things happened. it kept me so darn freaking busy i thought i was gonna collasped and suck the air out of everyone. =) then again, i just love my life now. what can i say, i have a freaking good life, believe it or not. apart from the me-s.t.u.d.i.e.s, i have not much to worry anymore. didnt know that getting over certain matters was such a huge relief, and *ahems* simply, amazingly fun.

ahaks. will update some other days mate.

with much love,

me.me.me.

its hard to imagine how much changes i had gone through in a few months. i was so confused and spilling out stuff which was hard to do makes things worse. there’s so many things going round and round my mind and each time i think about it, i felt sick and terrible. and when you think things over, you find it pointless to be doing so much thinking that could almost destroy your life. but i knew i had to summon things up and jot it all out. its the only way to keep me sane since i did not feel like telling anyone. it was so hard to begin till when i did, i couldnt find the right sequence to fill in the blank spaces of my blog.

the thing that i hated so much about myself is that i tend to overanalyse things. things are simple in the beginning when they first popped up and being a complicated person, i had to make it so confusing and nevertheless, wayy complicated. *sigh

call me trouble-maker, but im not the only one. everyone has these kind of issues. it just depends on how well they handle them. in my case, im not exactly a pro in these kind of situation lately. i wasnt this kind of girl. i used to be so simple. so oblivious to my surroundings. everything around me is a symbol of me being a carefree person. every problem i had has solution to it. now its so different. total opposite. it just took one mistake to change everything.

perhaps its a blessing in disguise. it must be. its all about having faiths and being true to yourself. i would be lying if i say i still have the upmost confidence. nope, ive lost part of it. im not even sure where im heading. all i know is that i have to get well for the sake of myself and the people who care about me.

most people think im the luckiest girl on earth. i think so and yet, i feel discontented when it comes to certain things. what happens when the solution to your problem is the problem itself? when you thought you had the perfect remedy and the perfect solution, the same thing goes around over and over again, just like a tape recorder. the whole process has definitely taken a toll on my life. my world tumbled like rolling stones. i lost my appetite, my sense of humor, my confidence, AND my utmost important posession - my feelings.

the best thing to do it being oblivious, carefree, and not to think about it. sure, anyone can say that. anyone who’s comforting you and lending you a shoulder to cry on can say that. in fact, its so easy to comfort other people. but its not exactly easy to walk the talk. for me, walking my own life is the hardest thing to do. i can actually make someone so happy but i cant make myself contented. it makes me so sad and mad at myself, thus putting all my anger on the ones that truly love and care about me. that feeling is humbly disgracefull. its not right, definitely.

it always takes two to tango no matter what. having faiths means trusting yourself. its true that people say time heals all wounds. its just a matter of believing in yourself and the people whom walk the talk. and patience is definitely the key for the time to come.

today ive come to learn that it doesnt matter if people dont show what you want to hear orally (read : literally). its what the person does that counts. the time he or she spends so willingly, the energy and of course, other nessecities. there’s no point showing love by words because actions says it all. i guess you could say that ive changed my perspective on someone today. and i was reminded that true friends stay by you no matter how long it takes and i feel so lucky to have them. the best thing is i could see their faces, their willingness, you would know that they were happy to do it. and when they can, there’s always a good reason behind it. and thus, i need to be understanding and unselfish. i have to stop being bitter too.

i did not mention names because its not even important. the whole point is that ive changed my whole perspective on some people. its a great thing. im looking forward to witness more miracles. and also, to regain my appetite. LOL*

i was so lost before this. i did not know who am i then. now, i realise its important to put my pieces of life back together again and most importantly, to be healthy soon. being happy is a plus. sheesh. i need to be reminded everytime.

grow up, cav. and be MORE mature about it. EVERYTHING would be just right. right, blogging ends now.

*click to enlarge* (yes i know what you’re thinking : WTH?!?! not big enough arr?!?) that’s not the point.

thank god for these. its keeping me sane.

side effects : ive become a total minor shopaholic!! *shrieks*

you can say my depressing days are almost over. i became less bitter (erm hello? i did felt quite bitter and these things happens you know!) not that i was that depressed. it just came to a point where i did not even have any clue about myself. i was not being the real me like i said i would be months ago. my life fell apart. miracalously, it was still enjoyable.

hmm. lets see. the scenario last week was a little something like this :

one. you had to kill two birds with one stone (read : your boss a.k.a. your uncle a.k.a mr. popular a.k.a. … here i go again - trijots says it all people) is a hell of a person AND for some reason you cannot understand why a bezillion girls can go head over heels for him. therefore, i shall not elaborate about the birds thingy.

yeah. you might thinking : what has the world turn into?!?! expect little beforehand.

the answer : nothing, basically.

two. the toilet scenario. you would call me an attention seeker if i blogged it out. so like, i dont care what fucking thoughts you have. i almost got raped. THERE. nice and clear. big too. lets just put it this way : i love being semi-naked (i do it lesser now) when i sleep but being semi-nude in a toilet caused by a large, dark, hairy (i think) man made me wanna puke. so be it. leave it and we shall never speak of it again.

three : *actually im not quite done with number two though* i came across the world of martians again. (read again : the hospie as i would like to call it - figure out yourself luh LOL*) having to throw up and to give in to sedatifs, i pretty much have no choice but to sleep like a pig - three quarter of my day is gone.

four : i got pissed because i was sleeping when uncountable dudes (and dudettes) visited me *sigh.

five : i woke up and they were gone!

well, i was being dramatic of course.

the last few weeks of my life definitely got me thinking. i have zero clue about where i am heading. needless to say, i was still cool with it. and happy. and contented. but its a blur. everything became blurry all of sudden.

hey. blurry life is so interesting.

note to self : stay oblivious all the time. and blurry.